Three Simultaneous Singles from Weezer

The Official Single: "Pork and Beans" (radio and iTunes) - A three-minute jam of a red herring: twangy acoustic intro (is it gonna be like "El Scorcho?"), beefy grunge power-chord chorus (is it gonna be like "Buddy Holly?"), goofy lyrics that actually have some bearing on Rivers Cuomo's life (the song is a response to Geffen's request for a more commercial single). This is definitely Weezer's best single since "Island in the Sun" -- maybe even their best since "Buddy Holly" itself. The only fumble here is that the potentially awesome cascading guitar/vocal line in the chorus stays on the same note instead of giving us the kind of tasty countermelody we would have gotten in the good old days.

The First Choice: "Troublemaker" (iTunes) - The first track on the Red Album, which was announced as the album's first single on Weezer.com before it was replaced by "Pork and Beans." Thematically similar to its replacement (i.e., I'm an iconoclast deal with it) and almost as catchy, with just slightly countrified Tom Petty-ish chords. Embarrassingly simple rhymes, the trademark of post-2001 Weezer, abound (school/fool, for example), but Cuomo redeems himself, as others have noted, by the awkwardly endearind couplet "marrying' a biyatch, havin' seven kiyads." Perfect powerpop bridge with lyrics that work as a dual reference to "Tired of Sex" and Cuomo's 2-year vow of celibacy.

The Populist Choice: "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)" (iTunes) - This was probably released because of the chatter making the rounds: 50% "OMG this is the coolest thing EVER, Weezer is BACK," 50% "Weezer has descended even further than we ever thought possible into a pit of obsolescence and shame." Better to charge people $1 to find out. A mystifying mash-up of styles, from rap to country to "what Weezer is actually supposed to sound like" (which may be the most disingenuous style of all!), all supporting Cuomo's oh-so-subtle lyrical proclamation: "I am the greatest man that ever lived." Like all neo-Weezer, this song delivered with utter sincerity, although according to all known laws of reality, it must be ironic.