Ben Gibbard sings: "It came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time..."The sentiment is understood. When I decide I'm going to go to the recycling center this Saturday, or finish my Master's Degree, or join the Peace Corps, I am making a bet with the universe that I will not die before those things happen. These bets are made every day, and invariably, about as many people end up losing as winning in the end. (The only way not to lose, ultimately, is to stop making plans and to welcome your death, though ideally this should happen when you are over 100 years old.)
I made plans, however hasty, when we left Seattle six months ago. And I wasn't even betting against my death when I decided to sign up for school and the Peace Corps; I was betting against debt and sickness, and some days debt and sickness seem like they're inching ahead. And sometimes (forgive me, I'm reading John Sullivan's Blood Horses) another thing -- doubt --comes barrelling out of nowhere like Secretariat. Did I really put all my metaphorical money on teaching English under the auspices of the U.S. Government? No, not all of it. I have a tiny imaginary nest egg in the imaginary safe deposit box of my Plans, cross-referenced under "Moving Back" and "Music" and "Settling Down." But I am still wagering the next three years of my life against myself and waiting to see which horse finishes first.
Still, my prayers aren't only to Father Time. I am petitioning --however desperately, however halfheartedly -- another Father all together.
--
Also:
"To say to another with all our heart, 'I love you,' is to say 'You will never die.'"
Kallistos Ware
3 comments:
That's crazy! How is H.state as for as theory goes? I got luck because my prof.s are anti-theory. So I've learned what I need to know about it, but I haven't been brainwashed into thinking that it IS literature. Anyway, maybe we could join forces on this blog thing. Would you be up for doing a blog together, maybe with some other link-minded people? On Christianity and the arts and literature and music and theory etc...Think it over. It would be easy to set-up and we could pool our readers. Just a thought. I'll definitely check your blog regularly either way.
By the way, I noticed that you've been published quite a few times. How did you get to do that? Any tips?
Thats quite understandable. It was just a thought. But I'll email you about the freelance stuff. BTW, I think plans is an amazing album...alright, not amazing, but in comparison to most stuff coming out in the rock/alt genre its pretty close to amazing.
hey, you posted on plans! i recall asking you about that...well, i'll come back and catch up on your blog (and actually read this entry) when its not 12:30am...
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